i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
