You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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