apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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