no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
