Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sext me about skeletons
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
