three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
