ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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