Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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