Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
