I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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