I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
