I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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