He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
