eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
