Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
