So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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