I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
