i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
