Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
