I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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