i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
