i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
