i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
