Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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