I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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