saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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