I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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