I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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