Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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