a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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