question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
