all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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