I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
