Your face is a jimmy john
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
