ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
