I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
