Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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