he wants to bone in the snuggie
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
