Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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