i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
