i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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