I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
