Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
