My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck appropriateness.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
