dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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