Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
