I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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