The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
