I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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