2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
